I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
