I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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