Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
