Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
