why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
