Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
