Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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