i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
