fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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