Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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