its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
