Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
