Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
