Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
