Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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