GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
