that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
