Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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