Yo dont text me then not text me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
