Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
