I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
