my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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