That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
