Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
well I can't set my house on fire every night
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
