I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
