Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
