I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Watching her eat just hurts me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
