2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
