I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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