new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
