Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
