I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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