I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
