as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
