i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
