you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
