It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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