you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
