Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
