If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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