i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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