Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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