First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
