5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
