I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
