I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
