they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i will never coherently bang her
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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