i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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