You just made me feel so damn special
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
