Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
